Improvement is Constant and Unceasing

Written by Payson & Zach Attebury

Edited by Bill X. Barron

Editor’s Note: Competing in 11U & 12U at 92 and 98 pounds, Western Colorado’s Payson Attebury has earned five straight RMN titles in Colorado, New Mexico, and Wyoming, earning the 2024-25 Tri-State Belt. Payson is president of the Future Sportsmans 4-H Club as well as the reigning 4-H state champion in Sporting Clays and Skeet. 

Recently, this well-spoken 6th grader shared his insights with RMN’s Bill X. Barron. Interspersed with Payson’s reflections are quotes from Team Grand Valley Elite.

When I was three, my parents tried to sign me up for wrestling, but they were completely booked. The next year, I started wrestling with the rec program and then joined the club team the following year. 

We set up a mat in our basement. One day, I was wrestling the biggest kid on our team. When I went to chop his arm, he landed on my thumb, and the whole team heard it pop. X-rays showed it was fractured, but I told her: “Tape it. I am going to State!” Later, I decided to be smart and not tempt it.   

I learned the important lesson that even if you really want to do something, it is better not to make it worse than it already is. Our family still went to Regionals and State to support my team.  Even though I was out of action, I was determined to be the best teammate possible. 

“We have had the privilege to wrestle against as well as with Payson. He was always a worthy opponent; when his team merged with Team Grand Elite, it was awesome to witness his work ethic. His willingness to learn! His competitiveness!” – Head Coach Tom Rugaard

Wrestling to win versus wrestling not to lose is totally different. Wrestling to win means you go into an attack mindset, willing yourself to win, beginning with scoring the first takedown. In the attack mindset, you will win most of your matches.

Wrestling not to lose is when you are on the defense, just trying to survive or not get pinned. If you have a defensive mindset, you are more likely to lose.   

Last year, I was not content placing 2nd at every RMN tournament I did. It may have been nerves. This year, I set a goal to win my first RMN tournament, Monster Match. After earning this title, I set the next goal: to win RMN’s Tri-State belt. 

With this wrestling-to-win mentality, I attained my objective of winning RMN championships in three states. Currently, I am undefeated in 11U for this season in RMN. I can see the change in my wrestling this year. Wrestling to win is something I will always keep in mind. 

“While our practices can be challenging, Payson always shows up ready to participate, maintains a positive attitude, and never dodges a tough match. His mom and dad form a support system, which is extended to how he treats his teammates and coaches with respect.” – Coach Damond Culver

What really got me hooked was my first RMN Colorado State Tournament with all the lights and smoke. I did not place, but I love the environment. It gets me pumped up to wrestle. I also love how we always say a prayer and honor our veterans before we wrestle.   

Many who compete in RMN have become great friends. You can set your own goals, such as this year when mine was to win a Tri-State belt. RMN is super fun because there are so many challenging people to wrestle from all across the country. 

“Payson has a fortitude about him that is admirable. Even if he is on the wrong side of the outcome, his attitude and desire to improve drives him forward. In our club, we use the Japanese word ‘Kaizen’ to represent ‘constant improvement.’ Payson has completely bought into this concept.” – TR

While we discussed wrestling in college, I have wanted to become an orthodontist since kindergarten. In the future, it would also be cool to coach, as I love helping with the youth program. I love wrestling and will do as much as I can to ensure the sport’s future.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

I advise young wrestlers to work hard and never give up. Wrestling is a one-on-one sport; you either win or lose, there is no in-between. But even if you do lose, as my dad says, you’re not losing – you’re learning. 

Wrestling will teach you so many valuable lessons. You will be sore and beaten up. The sport will teach you the resilience to push through the finish line. 

Through wrestling, I have learned how to remain humble and maintain self-control of my emotions regardless of the outcome. It has taught me how to respect my opponent and the people around me. 

Wrestling is a process. You have to love the process, even if you are not happy with how you perform. Keep striving to be the best you can be. – Payson Attebury

"Being a Dad and Being the Coach, By Zach Attebury": After a few years of coaching my son, I struggled to find balance; at first, it didn't dawn on me the importance of separating those roles.  

When Payson was six, he was preparing for a tournament by getting into his little beast mode. Talking to his mom, he said, “I just want to win to make dad happy.” My wish for him is to fall in love with the sport of wrestling for his own sake.

I also want him to enjoy all of the moments we share together as a family. I want him to remember the trips, the experiences, and the kids that he met along the way from all over the country. I encourage him to build lifetime relationships with people who love the sport as much as he does. 

I have always wanted the best for my kids in anything that they do. Yet, being a coach as well as a dad in a highly emotional sport made me reflective. I made the realization that how I acted and reacted towards my son would be significant in his growth. 

Either as dad or coach, my objective is to teach young kids, including my son, that success does not come quickly. Mastering this sport may take years of practice and hard work, with several obstacles to becoming a champion. 

Nor should the coaches set goals for growing wrestlers; that responsibility lies with the competitors. I needed that heart-to-heart conversation with my son at an early age to make sure he knew I would be proud of him regardless of the result.

I emphasized that my love was not measured by how many belts he won, how many medals he earned, or how many trophies he took home. My love was there no matter what.  

Since then, I have made sure to ask my son how he feels about the sport and if he still loves it every year that he competes. Wrestling must be his choice, not something I want him to do. Every year, I ask my son: “Do you still love wrestling?”

Payson always looks me in the eyes and says, "Absolutely, this is my favorite sport.” His love for the sport and drive to succeed must come from his heart—not from my pressure. 

Shifting my focus to find the balance in my roles made me a better coach, and it has provided a better perspective on what these kids think when they step on that mat. Achieving that balance within myself, being both a coach and a father to a wrestler, has changed me.

I am also very thankful to my wife, Desiree, for encouraging me to strengthen the relationship with my son. We do this journey as a family. I love that we all get to be there all the time.